WRITTEN BY IFEOMA OKAFOR.
Everyday we create fantasies that lingers on to become our dreams and these dreams gives us hope and hope in turn becomes our point of living. We all hope for a beautiful beginning of things as well as happy endings but in reality ,it is not so. Every love story once had an ugly phase before they got beautiful.
Marriage is the union of two good and constant forgivers. Many marriages fail today because people go into it with much expectation than they are ready to give. Give up all unrealistic expectations about marriage being this beautiful box full of all the things you have always longed for and see marriage for what it truly is -an that is an empty box where you and your partner put all the things you want to take out of it.
Another biggest challenge in relationships /marriage come from the fact that most people enter marriage for what they can get. It can be love, money, certain class, societal rank etc. If you enter a marriage expecting to get a lot more than you give, chances are that you will have many marriage regrets. See marriage as a place you go to give more than you take.
Build yourself before marriage
Many regret the marriage they are in at the moment because they weren’t prepared for it in the first place. Never marry for any reason other than worthiness and you being ready for it. Else you might end up with regrets like these :
“I wish I ‘d thought about my accountability”. “I was busy finding fault that I didn’t pay enough attention to all the things I could have done differently”. “In fact, because I was young and fairly immature, I assumed ending the marriage wound signal the beginning of perfection”. “I wish I had understood that stages in marriage can be cyclical and that it takes a little more hard work to figure things out.”
“I wish I had cultivated a meaningful career,hobbies and outside interests for my growth and development”. I over identified with the role of being my husband’s wife. I made that role my complete source of feelings of worth and value as a woman, wife and human being. It appeared to him that I had no other value except being a wife.
“I wish I had loved him the way he needed to be loved”. It wasn’t until our separation that I learned about the five love languages. Mine were “physical touch” and “quality time” while his were “acts of service” (cleaning the house and helping out with things) and “words of affirmation” (thank you, I adore you, I’m sorry, please). Looking back, I know that our love languages were in constant conflict.
“I wish I had nurtured our relationship to find out the man I married”.
Just maybe all would have been about me being happy that I had made the best decision in life.
Hear this : Marriage becomes better when both spouses start to see each other as a part of themselves and not two separate individuals sharing a bed. Grow in the mentality that your spouse is a part of you and that you rise or fall together. See your spouse’s people as your people. Accept your spouse’s troubles are your troubles and his or her successes as your successes. Only this mentality will help lead to a fulfilling marriage. Be married for life.
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