Often times we tend to feel awful and withdraw from the rest of the world after a bad break up, thinking that it’s hard to move on because we probably think that we can’t find someone who is better than our last, who would treat us better. Especially after giving our everything, sacrificing a lot to make things work.
We usually get scared of commitment, of starting all over again, of getting to know someone new, learning about them ; their likes and dislikes, character and all. So we feel we don’t really need that stress, we just want to be free from all of it so we decide to stay single instead of committing to someone.
But then one day, some one comes along and makes us feel special, making us want to give it all again, making us feel like we need that love once again… And we begin to feel again… The butterflies in the stomach, that tingling feeling when you hear their voice, that euphoria and excitement you feel deep down when you’re around them. But then you still have this nudging in your heart that what happened before is going to happen again, that one day they are going to wake up and decide to walk away again, that in-love phase will wear out after some time and you slowly become strangers.
Okay, Pause right there… This isn’t one of my “Moving on” or “Letting go” article and certainly not the bounce back kinda thing. This is me about to tell you what to do when you meet that great guy/lady but is still very afraid to start something because of your past.
First, you have to get rid of the negative thoughts. Everybody isn’t the same and even if this is going to fail eventually why not give it a try first? You’ve got nothing to lose anyways. Except for your time though but it will be worth it in the end when it eventually works out right? And let me say this too : Don’t go all in just yet, why not just go in with your head first and see how it goes and afterwards you can decide if you want to dive in and swim in the ocean of love
Okay, back to the reason why we are here… I’m kinda getting too excited as I’m typing. Hahaha
You met someone new but you’re still scared because of your past? Here’s what to do :
1. Stop putting too much pressure on yourself :
You may feel that if it goes wrong, it says something bad about you. That’s not true dearie, we’ve established the fact that nobody is perfect, why not just let things flow naturally. Don’t go out of your way to impress anybody, just be yourself and if he or she is the right one they will most definitely decide to stay and build something beautiful with you.
2. Do not let your nerves take over:
You need to calm down and take a chill pill, there’s no rushing for any reason at all. This is someone new, someone different. Control your emotions the best way you can so you won’t end up pushing them away with your fears and insecurities.
I know this is an obvious one, but when you let these feelings take over it can make matters much worse than they actually are.
3. Do not forget that a relationship is a two-way thing :
Yes it is, there’s no need to panic though. I do understand that you’ve been through a lot and they’ve probably been through a lot too so it actually takes 2 to make this work. If you want this to work, you actually have to be a little more open. I’m not saying you should go telling them about your familyʼs problems or family history, far from that. Create an opportunity for them to get to know you better. In this case I suggest you become friends first before any other thing comes up. Remember, one step at a time.
4. Be more Confident and feel Self worthy :
What I mean by this is LOVE YOURSELF. Who would want to love you anyway if you don’t love yourself first. Don’t always go all moody and emotional, be confident, be happy, be fun, be open to new opportunities and adventures. Change your wardrobe, do away with old things if necessary, old love tricks and all. Don’t fall back to the old routine of your past relationships, try to make things different, create different memories. I’m not saying you should be a different person. I’m only saying you should be someone lovable.
5. Know that this person isn’t and will never be your ex:
Cut down on the expectations. This is a whole new different person with a different perspective about love and relationships so please what ever you do, do not expect them to think or react to situations like the last person you’ve been with. Most people tend to mess things up at this point. Never compare your present to your ex, you will only make things worse for yourself.
Break ups can be painful. If you are still holding on to resentment for your ex or if you fantasize about them, it can be difficult to move on. Perhaps the most important step to finding love again is to stop dwelling on what has been. Ultimately, you’ll need to accept the fact that although your former partner was a part of your life, for some reason the relationship ended. You are emotionally ready to move on when you don’t constantly compare your new dates to your lost love like I said earlier, it will only make things worse.
Know that it won’t always be all laughs and roses so brace up for the peaks and troughs and Hey, good luck as you put yourself out there again, I know you can do this!
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