How do you know if the Man you are dating is the person you should spend the rest of your life waking up next to? This is usually a hard nut to crack for women. Of course that is often the case! But we try to proffer some answers to this question. How do you know if the guy you’re dating is “The One”? Will you “just know”?
The scary aspect of marriage is that most people make this decision simply because they are “in love” (or infatuation sometimes), which by definition means your mind is hazy and thrill of thinking no one has ever loved like this before. Forgetting that the butterfly feeling isn’t the only basis for a relationship, forgetting that Love is actually much more than a feeling.
But how do you know? How do you know if the man you are in a relationship is the person you should spend the rest of your life waking up next to?
To another person, the ability to discern if your guy is right for you depends on whom you’ve been with in the past and whether or not you know what a good relationship looks like. Most people don’t even know what a good relationship feels like so once they see that this guy is a bit different from their ex, maybe more cute because he’s more caring and gives more attention, they feel he’s “The one”
For example, if you have only dated players or even mediocre guys in the past and suddenly you feel a boyfriend is “the One,” I would caution you to take a step back, sit and really evaluate. Sure, he may be better than all the other guys you’ve ever dated … but you don’t marry better, you marry BEST. Amen from the married ladies?
Let’s look at some Distinguishing Features of “The One”:
YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE IN SUPPORT.
Most of them, at least. If most of your friends and family think your guy brings out the best in you and will be a great person to start a life with, that is a very good sign you might have found “the One.”
You’ll want to be careful here with extremes. If everyone in your life has raised concern—parents, friends and most people who know you well—I promise they are not trying to bully you; only to care for you because they can often see red flags that you cannot see. But it’s unreasonable to think that everyone will agree with your decision, so do not worry if just a handful of people do not like his taste in music or his career.
Is he trustworthy? Humble? Kind? Forgiving? Character makes marriages stand the test of time. Integrity is synonymous to Character. Character is who he is when no one is looking. Does he do what is right or what is easy for him? Men of high character bring out the best in you. Are you a better version of yourself since meeting him? Will the two of you be better together rather than apart? These are all great questions to consider in making a choice.
YOU DON’T FEEL HE NEEDS TO CHANGE.
Do you love him just the way he is? Does he love you for you? If you have major changes you are hoping happen in his life, he is not “the One.”
You can not marry someone hoping they’ll change. Is he a smoker? Drunkard? Just like he should not marry you hoping you will wake up one day and be a different person. Major changes sound like, “I really hope he stops drinking”; “I’m praying for him to believe in God”, “I wish he could just change and come with me to church and be committed in following God”; “I am hoping he will open up to the idea of children some day.”
You love being with him. You have fun together. If you could not make out with him, would you just enjoy being around him? Are you friends?
The rich companionship in marriage is very necessary for the marriage to survive. Communication plays a major role in growing bonds.
HE IS A SERVANT LEADER.
Lately, I have heard horror stories of “Christian men” berating their wives and running their households like a dictatorship.
Jesus demonstrated for men the way husbands should love their wives—leading by serving. He should never demand that you “submit to his authority.”
Can you trust him to lead your family? Or will you have to do all the heavy lifting and he watches you?
YOU HAVE THE SAME GOAL AND PURPOSE : SAME LIFE PATH.
Do you want the same things from life? Are you able to agree on a common family goal? Despite slight differences in opinion, does he think closely with you? In terms of setting and achieving life’s goals? These are important. Talk about the future now and seriously consider if compromise is possible or if you need to move on. It may not seem like a big deal now, but it will become one some day. Remember, there is no divorce in Christian marriage.
YOU HAVE A VOICE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
Does he make you feel special? Do your opinions matter, or is it all about him?
You will suffer in the long run if you have to put your dreams and goals under the carpet because he doesn’t see them as valuable.
Chivalry doesn’t mean you’re not a feminist and it isn’t degrading.
Does he care for you and keep you safe? Treat you with respect? Do you feel special when you’re with him? Would he do anything within his power to protect you?
Passivity is eating away at many men, and you don’t want to marry a man who rejects the urge to sit back.
In summary here money has not been mentioned, not because it has less importance. It has a great role in marriage as the bible rightly puts it, “Money answereth all things”. Money should not be the basis for judging a man. The bible again says money has wings that they can fly. What if the latter happens? Did I hear you say God forbid? I agree with you but the advice here is consider the other factors before money so you do not hurt yourself in your entire life-time. God bless you.
What would you add to the list? Especially if you are married and if you are married, I would love for the single ladies to read in your contributions how you knew your husband was “the One.” Please drop a comment on the comment section.