Step 5 – Meetup with Your Ex to Build Attraction, Connection and Trust. Talk About Getting Back Together When the Time is Right.
When you meet your ex, your ex will be a little bit skeptical. Even though you’ve built enough attraction and connection via phone calls and text messages, they will still wonder if it’s all just a façade and if you really have changed.
They will wonder if you are still needy and desperate.
And when they meet you, their bullshit radar will be turned on the highest settings. They will judge everything you say or do. They might even say things just to text your reaction.
To make sure you don’t screw it up, here are a few pointers.
1. DO YOUR HOME WORK AND BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST
When you meet your ex, you should truly be prepared to lose them. If you still have neediness and desperation inside you, your ex will sniff it from a mile away.
So, if you think you are still needy, then cancel or postpone the meeting.
Here’s a test to check if you are ready to meet them. Only take this test after you’ve finished no contact and are planning on meeting your ex.
You need to click on it to expand it because I don’t want you to take this test if you are just starting out with this plan. When you have finished no contact, come back to this page and take this test.
2. BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR POST BREAKUP CHARADE TESTS
There’s a good chance your ex will say or do things to see if you are still needy or desperate. They will try to see if what you truly have changed or everything you have been saying and doing just a charade to get them back.
They might bring up something from the past and/or they may say something that they know will push your buttons. I call these the post breakup charade tests.
For example, suppose you had an issue with jealousy and being controlling. They might casually bring up the fact that they went on a date just to see how you react.
If you are still controlling, you will react and even if you don’t say anything, your face might give you away.
It’s important that you stay calm no matter what happens. If you become angry or desperate, it will make them think that you have not changed at all and they will probably start ignoring you again after the breakup.
Note that being calm is not the same as being a doormat. If something is important to you, stand up for it. If it’s a serious issue about the relationship or the breakup, discuss it. But do so without getting angry or needy.
It will help immensely if your communication skills are on point before you meet your ex.
3. DON’T TALK ABOUT GETTING BACK TOGETHER YET
Ideally, you want it to be your ex’s idea to get back together. So for your first date, just focus on having a good time with them. If the topic of getting back together comes up, just listen to what they have to say.
If they ask your opinion, just say that you still have feelings for them but you are not sure if getting back is the right decision. That you both should take things slow.
Don’t jump at the first chance of getting your ex back. Be skeptical about getting back together.
They broke your heart once, what will stop them from doing it again?
Have they changed and become a better person as well?
If you both get back together, will the same issues arise again?
4. HAVE AN EQUAL RELATIONSHIP
You don’t want your ex to start thinking that you are chasing them. This is why you must have an equal relationship with them.
You want them to contact you as much as you contact them. You want them to try to meet up as much as you are trying to meet up.
This goes in line with being skeptical as I mentioned previously. You don’t want to get back together yet. You want to see how things are going with your ex.
If your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend is not really interested in making a relationship with you work, you are better off without him/her. You have tried your best and showed them the best version of you.
If they still think you are not worth their time, you must start thinking about moving on.
5. HAVE BOUNDARIES AND STAY OUT OF THE FRIEND-ZONE
One of the concerns most people have at this stage is if their ex will put them in the friendzone. To avoid that, you just need to setup a few boundaries and have an equal relationship with them.
You are their friend, but you are also an ex lover.
You should be casual, but you also need a sexual chemistry.
You should respectful, but you should also flirt.
In most cases, your ex will be very attracted to you if you’ve followed everything in this article. But if you still feel they are trying to put you in the friend-zone, follow the three principles.
Build up sexual chemistry but don’t sleep with them.
Don’t let them talk about other love interest. If they want your advice on their dating life (something that most people do with their friends) tell them that you are their friend but you don’t want to know or speak about who they are dating or having sex with. That you still have feelings for them and they need to respect your boundaries.
Finally, Be ready to walk away if they don’t respect your boundaries. Don’t act needy or desperate, just cut contact. There is a very good chance they will respect you more for it and apologize later if you stick to your words.
I hope this works for you and I would love to get a response if this does. You can send a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org for further guidance or if you would like a private consultation. Do have a wonderful day