EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS.

Emotional abuse is playing with a person’s emotions in order to undermine and control them.
It can occur between romantic partners, parents and children or just about any interpersonal relationship. It’s one of the subtlest forms of abuse, which makes it difficult to spot.

Someone came to me and wanted me to share her story as anonymous so here it goes…

Emotional Abuse in a Relationship I would say is the worst kind of abuse. I was in a relationship where I practically had to beg to be loved… At first things were great and moving on well until suddenly he started having issues with work and it felt like he was having a hard time balancing his work and his love life or so I thought buh then I never asked for much.. Am the Romantically inclined type and I kinda have a hard time dealing with not being given attention, I mean I don’t see anything in wanting to be the first person he talks to in the morning, sending a random text in the afternoon just to make me feel wanted and loved and to know that am on his mind as well and even though I did all these things, I sent messages to him every single morning and in the afternoon most times, it still seemed like something was outta place cos even though he was enjoying all that attention, he failed to reciprocate.

Before I continue with the story lemme just say this “People tend to communicate their love language so you will respond to them, if someone wants to spend quality time with you or tell you words of affirmations or give you acts of service or wants to feel your presence or touch it simply means that these are their love languages and they would love to be spoken to in those languages, don’t go on accumulating all the love and leaving their love tank empty, that can be emotionally draining”.
So back to the story… I kept on complaining and it seemed as if I was a nag, he practically turned me into a nag, it seemed like I didn’t appreciate his presence in my life and I wasn’t being supportive, felt like I was even the reason for the work issues although he said those things to me most times, but cʼmon, did I even ask for too much? I only wanted to be loved the right way and it drove me crazy cos I didn’t understand why he would behave that way if he actually claimed to love me, there were times he would apologize and change for a day or two and then he goes back to square 1. Am not the type that walk away just like that, I prefer staying to work things out no matter how hard it is, I knew all relationships has its challenges and mine wasn’t an exception and most importantly I stayed back cos I loved him, and maybe I loved him way too much and that was the reason why it actually hurt like hell when he started treating me like I meant nothing to him. I mean how can someone stay comfortable not hearing from his girlfriend a whole day, I kept on complaining and I guess it also helped to push him farther away cos he always complained of the stress I was beginning to give. It actually made me feel bad cos I wanted to be his safe haven, someone he would come back to when the stress of the day was taking a toll on him, so I reduced the complaints and began doing the things myself expecting nothing from him and even the little ones he did didn’t really matter much and maybe I didn’t really appreciate cos I felt it won’t even last so why waste it Buh then I never gave up on him even though he pushed me too hard and most times when it felt like things were going down I still found the strength in the love I had for him and I still managed to fuel the relationship from there and renew the spark… One problem with me is that I hate failure, even when the odds are on my side, I would actually fight to win or sustain something except its something I never wanted in the first place, and when I started seeing text messages on his phone, he always had an excuse for all of it, saying the ladies were the ones sending and he never replied to any of them, I would feel bad, cry, blame myself, feel unloved and not valued, it was so bad but then I would pick myself up, and even the calls that he excused himself to answer most times, it got to a point that my messages were been ignored and how I hated being ignored, it makes me really really mad Buh he would apologize and my stupid self would move past it cos I was in love and the times I was accused of Cheating felt like the worst times cos I know I was 100% faithful and I hated being accused wrongly especially if I didn’t do wah I was being accused of, Buh I managed to get that trust back or so I thought.
Guys, don’t ever make your Woman feel less of herself, tell her she’s beautiful and you value her presence in your life everyday if possible cos these were the things I didn’t hear often and I needed to hear them cos it would surely boost my confidence and make me feel loved and appreciated. Don’t forget that if you treat your woman right, she will submit to you.

So to cut the long story short…
One day he opened up and said he needed a break, I was taken aback cos I never expected him to say that, I was shocked and I felt totally betrayed, I was so angry that I still let it out on him, I refused giving him that break and we finally resolved the issue and we were good buh that actually made me realize that the love he used to have for me at the very beginning wasn’t there any longer, this was someone that used to preach Commitment and Consistency and would always say to me “As long as you’re trying, am staying”, and I thought, wah happened to “you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me”… “I truly love you, never doubt that” but still I picked myself up and focused my energy on other things even though I knew that trust was beginning to go down on my part and it made me hurt badly that I even cried in his presence and he left instead, he actually left me there to cry. Damn!

PS : Wahever you do, never cry in front of someone who doesn’t care, that’s torture.

And when it seemed getting rid of me was becoming a problem, he devised a new means and came up with marriage stuff, saying he isn’t ready and won’t be ready till about 5years and doesn’t want to tie me down, and I was wondering when I told him I was ready to get married ni, he asked me to open my heart to others and shouldn’t hold back cos he knew me being with him might make me loose potential suitors, that he’s not breaking off the relationship though Buh he just wanted to be honest with me and he doesn’t even know what his future might look like, he hasn’t even thought about it (how can a grown man not know wah he wants) and that was when it dawned on me that this guy never even saw us together in the future and all these behavior for over a year was actually for me to walk away from his life cos he was actually tired and couldn’t continue to pretend to be in love with me, 2years and some months wasted just like that,  Buh I guessed there was already someone else and my guess was right, he said he wasn’t breaking off buh he stopped calling or chatting me so I had to try my possible best to forget about him, am not saying I was perfect through it all, of course I had my own flaws and nobody is perfect and part of the reason I stayed back was cos he didn’t give up on me even with my flaws and I thought Yea, this is the main deal cos every relationship hurts but finding someone who deserves all that pain was worth it Yea? I thought he deserved all that pain and heartaches Buh little did I know I was also choking him by being too clingy but I choose not to blame myself or him even for deciding to walk away cos if he still did love me, we would have fixed it.

I knew the real problem was that he was tired of the relationship and there was someone else and I forgive him for hurting me, I won’t be totally free if I don’t in the first place cos I know that when one door closes, another bigger one is about to be opened so yes av forgiven him for all of it…

Am only sharing this story this morning to encourage someone out there to be strong, She made the mistake of staying back in an emotionally abusive relationship just cos she was blinded by love and the thought of being in love and in the end it back fired but you have a better chance of getting up and walking away now.
Forget about what people will say cos maybe you’ve been with him/her for a long time and you guys are like the perfect couple Buh no one knows how much you’ve wet your pillow most nights cos of him/her…
Simple Advice : WALK! You deserve better, you deserve all the love you give and in every shade of it. Don’t stay back cos you love him/her, you deserve someone who loves you back as much. Don’t stay back cos of the material gain, in the end he will still walk when he finds someone better and you would be left with nothing. Don’t stay back cos you feel leaving would make you look like a Coward, trust me you would look like a big Fool being there while he/she is out there cheating with random people… And Finally, never give up on love just cos someone hurt you, you would only cheat yourself out of being truly loved, don’t change cos someone left you heartbroken, it would only mean that they won and you lost, don’t give them that satisfaction and most importantly work on yourself, improve and GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO HEAL! You don’t need to walk into another relationship immediately, be in a relationship with yourself, love yourself the way you deserve to be loved, guard your heart Jealously, do the things that make you happy, those things that you’ve been wanting to do buh can’t do cos you were devoting yourself to your relationship, this is the time to do them! (Good things o😊). You don’t have to limit yourself any longer, Go out with friends, make more friends if possible, have fun and enjoy yourself and don’t forget to hold on to God cos you need him more than ever now, you need him on those cold nights, you need him when you see couples everywhere 🤦🏼‍♀like they just decided to come out of hiding now that you’re single, Hahahaha… Pray and ask him for the right one, he will hear you and he will answer you… I hope this made your day… Have a wonderful Saturday and don’t forget to leave a comment and subscribe to the Blog.. Ciao