We have a lot of unlearning to do, especially when it comes to dating. Women have been convinced that a man has to do the chasing, and she waits, anticipates while playing “hard-to-get.”
The concept of not-playing-hard-to-get has been reduced to mean cheap. Even as young teenage girls, we were taught to look good; wear tight jeans, short skirts, and lipsticks, for boys to chase us. Pretence is an art form women indulge in. Tell him you would think about it when he asks you out. Prepare to be the trophy every man wants, don’t pick his calls at first ring, take your time.
Women keep trying so hard to impress, to appear so worthy of a man’s time. We attach shame to these things, to relegate her feelings and how she really feels. And this is why the phrase “shoot your shot” is making the idea of women asking a man out less shameful. I was with some guys last week and this talk came up, they were talking about how they would love it if ladies would make the first move instead of waiting for the guys all the time and I smiled and thought to myself, the same guys will turn around and call those ladies cheap and desperate but then I thought it through and I saw a point there… I’ve come across cases where ladies actually shot these shots and ended up as “Wify”.
So the question is… Do men still think that a lady walking up to talk to them makes her cheap? The answer is No, these days they actually wait for us to make the first moves because ;
- They wouldn’t want to feel rejected or embarrassed.
- They want to be sure you’re actually interested in them.
- They can’t tell if you’re single or dating…
Mind you, there are still guys who like the old fashioned way but majority of them find it sexy when a woman makes a move.
WARNING : BE SURE THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT AND THIS GUY IS WORTH THE CHASE BEFORE MAKING ANY MOVE!
Confused about how to go about asking a man out, here are ways to do so.
If you are friends with him, rather than just exchanging glances and smiles, invite him to go out with you and your friends. Maybe he is your colleague at work, or a neighbour you have the hots for and spend time with. So, instead of just having monosyllabic conversations with him, ask if he would be interested in hanging out with you during the weekend, at the beach, to play a game, or to a block party. You can get to know him better before getting your intentions out. If you can’t go all out at first then I suggest you use the social media, find a way to start a conversation and indulge him, don’t come off too strong and don’t sound desperate for any reason whatsoever, just be mild and cordial in your conversations and keep him wanting to talk more with you.
Touch him when you both are having a conversation. But don’t come on too strong. Getting extremely flirty can be annoying. Lean forward and whisper something to him, a flirty comment like: “I like your eyes or shirt,” then clasp his hands, and loosely lock your fingers with his. Keeping distance throughout the conversation and suddenly coming close to him, leaves him confused and wanting you closer. It would make him blush. If he’s smart, he would know these are green lights that you are interested.
You can plan a neutral movie date at home with him. Pick a good romantic comedy movie that’s isn’t too cliched. Pop the popcorns yourself or buy them, bring juices and a blanket (this would work well in a cold weather). When you both have watched through half of the movie, especially during the lovey-dovey scene, lean closer to him and cuddle (but make sure to watch his body language before you lean forward).
Or go to the cinema, pick a movie you both would love. If it is a horror movie, act scared when you are not, squeeze his hand and hold it in a grip. During a romantic movie, steal glances at him, lean closer often. After the movie, tell him how you had a nice time and would love to do it next time. Plan something a few days later.
If you are shy to tell him, you can slip him notes just like in secondary school, write how you feel about him. Or sit down with him, and tell him how you have started to grow fond of him. Talk about how much time you both have been spending together, how much of a nice guy he is, tell him you like him and would want a relationship to spring from the friendship.
PS : Watch out for the red flags though, you know, the one that points that this guy is a player and might not actually be ready for a relationship.
I hope this works for you though… Have a wonderful day ahead.
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